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Now remarried (to a new man), Veronica says she and her friends half-jokingly talk about starting a Web site for married women who want to date. The reality is this: American women today have more opportunity to fool around than ever; when they do fool around, they're more likely to tell their friends about it, and those friends are more likely to lend them a sympathetic ear.

They probably use technology to facilitate their affairs, and if they get caught, they're almost as likely to wind up in a wing chair in a marriage counselor's office as in divorce court.

If infidelity is an odds game, then the odds are better now than they used to be that a woman will accidentally bump into someone during the workday who, at least momentarily, interests her more than her husband does. We're poised," says Elana Katz, a therapist in private practice and a divorce mediator at the Ackerman Institute for the Family in New York City.

There's a more subtle point embedded in here as well: women and men bring their best selves to work, leaving their bad behavior and marital resentments at home with their dirty sweatpants. "And many people spend more time out in the world than with their families.

Taboos about female sexuality are falling away; together, Dr.

Phil and "Sex and the City" have made every imaginable sex act fodder for cocktail-party conversation.

Hers is the more familiar story: isolated and lonely, married to an airline pilot, Veronica, now 35, took up with a wealthy businessman she met at a Dallas nightclub. laws used to punish women who cheated; in a divorce, an unfaithful wife could lose everything, even the property she owned before marriage.

"It was just so ruinous for a woman to be caught in adultery in past times, you had to be really driven or motivated to do it," says Peter D.Even though women are narrowing the gap, men still do the bulk of the domestic damage."Bill Clinton, who we're all loving on TV--he's a charmer.It's hard to say for sure, because people lie to pollsters when they talk about sex, and studies vary wildly.(Men, not surprisingly, amplify their sexual experience, while women diminish it.) Couples therapists estimate that among their clientele, the number is close to 30 to 40 percent, compared with 50 percent of men, and the gap is almost certainly closing.

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Not long ago, over lunch in Los Angeles, this conversation took a surprising turn, when Erin, who is in her early 40s and has been married for more than a decade, spilled it. Then she began giving herself permission to flirt with, kiss--well, actually, make out with--men she met on business trips.